L-O-V-E.SUCKS.R-A-N-T.the toughest job of all.

This whole San Diego thing makes me lose sleep.
All I need is a car. or someone with a car, who is willing to miss SCHOOL and WORK and DRIVE and pay for their FOOD so I can go to San Diego to see my boyfriend, Paul graduate the USMC. I feel like quitting this whole "relationship". It's not even a typical relationship. April is probably the only month I'll see him for a long long time. I still don't know everything about him that I should. I don't feel like I'm getting to know him any better than if I wasn't in a relationship. This is not the typical relationship. and it is definitely not easy. 
I don't have the heart to tell him I can't make it to San Diego, there must be another way.
This is stupid. His parents still don't think we're serious. REALLY? why would i go through this HELL if i wasn't serious about being in a relationship with him. ???.
PARENTS please accept me.
well, i don't blame them. To an outside perspective it does seem weird, "getting together" 1 WEEK before he left.
not TALKING to him not SEEING him. not HANGING OUT with him.not GETTING TO KNOW him.this is driving me crazy.
BUT...


i knew this was going to be hard from the start..
he warned me.
i had people tell me not to.
he warned me.
"Possible long periods without speaking and even longer not seeing each other."
he warned me.
he thought i was the girl that could do this. the girl who was faithful enough and determined to get through this relationship.
he warned me.
i knew this wasn't going to be easy.
&
he warned me.


I tell myself...
to suck it up. I'm the one who agreed to this. Life isn't easy. No relationship is easy.
Look at all the stuff he has to do.
He doesn't quit. and he doesn't give up.
then why should i..?
sigh.....
I just need PAUL to tell me this again..to never quit and never give up.

This "relationship" is not a "relationship"..
It's the journey of becoming a Marine Girlfriend..and the best one i can be.
He needs someone to support him, to love him, to motivate him, to laugh with him, someone to keep him sane, to continue to make him a better person and keep him focused on the good stuff, someone to kiss, someone to hug, someone to stare at in the eyes, someone to miss him, someone to fight for.
I have many jobs.... I am a friend, a student, a daughter, a Den employee, and the toughest job of all....

i am a Marine Girlfriend.

If you think being a Marine is hard, try being a Marine girlfriend.

Untitled.

Blue= shyness/slowness

Red= speak in normal voice

 Italics = slow down

Yellow- word goes up scale. “try” would be tra-hi-ye

Purple: Fast.singlikethishimynameiskayla.

Green: energetic like “I love the way he laughs. [rest] I love the way he___ [rest]

Untitled

It was Christmas Eve, and he had two weeks until he left to become a Marine.. He told me that he liked me, Actually he said: Kayla I have a major crush on you, I know it’s obvious but I do, I like you. So we spent the next two weeks together, just talking and sharing our goals with each other.  and at the end of those two weeks..after hanging out for seven hours.. he said I’m not romantic at all, but I think we make a good team, so what do you say should we give this a try? I said it’s going to be hard sometimes, but I can’t imagine my life without you..

So we were official

He is my boyfriend and I am his girlfriend. But I still call him my best friend because he is.

 And I love the way he laughs (rest) and I love the way he cries (rest). Even though I’ve ne-ver seen him cry before..

And I love the way we stare at each other and I look into his eyes. (rest)

The tears shed, the goodbyes, the first kiss in one night..

Baby I miss you, I miss you. Baby I like you, I like you.

I love the way you smile, I love the way you laugh, I love the way you sing, and I love the way you dance.

And you’re so de-termined, it makes me try.

I love the way you ma-ke me feel even though we said goodbye.

Baby I miss you, I miss you. Baby I like you, I like you.

I wrote this song for you, for you can see how much I think about you.

Boy you’re amazing, yes, yes you are.

And I cannot wait until April eighth when I can finally see your face and ..hug you tight.

Baby I miss you, I miss you. Baby I like you, I like you.

And I hope you’re doing good in the Marines, remember to stay true to your faith.. and to mee.

Baby I miss you, I miss you. Baby I like you, I like you.

Well I’ll say goodbye for right now, I can’t wait to see you graduate on.. April eighth…

A Thank You.

She received an invitation to go to Africa this summer, but she was confused and lost.. and didn't know what to think of this opportunity....That was in December, and then a few days later she was no longer lost, she admitted to herself that she was content with life, and she stopped doubting the lie that was in her mind saying she didn't know her Father in heaven. 

Then a situation came to her a few days later.. The next three weeks were a roller coaster ride of emotions and God was in each and every one of them...After praying, thinking, discussing,and more praying.. She finally made a decision..

The decision to pursue a relationship with her best guy friend, who happened to be leaving to recruit training in two weeks..
Some called her crazy, some couldn't believe it, but others [[her friends]] supported her and helped her through everything... 

She and the boy talked for hours.. all they wanted to do was be with each other.. but they reminded each other that this relationship was only going to work if they relied on God to keep them together and connected, despite the distance and a different form of communication. She had the most insane winter break of her life, as everything started to come together..  But it had come to an end..And Wednesday night was the last time she saw him in person, until they meet up again in April.              

She traveled back to her second home which was a long long ride..six hours of thinking took place and she didn't know how she was going to handle this... 

The time came when he actually left, and then there were no more chats no more phone calls, all they had power of faith.. The faith that God would take care of them, and their relationship..

The girl had a terrible first week of school, and she couldn't even talk to the boy about it..

She felt like she didn't belong, like there was no purpose for her being here, at the school she was at.   All she wanted to do was run away and hide in her room...it wasn't fair that she couldn't talk to the boy who makes her smile and there was no boy to ask her how her day was.. But what she didn't know was the power of the Holy Spirit lifted her up and told her everything was going to be okay.. A few days later, she got used to the fact that she couldn't talk to him, and she was content with that, because he was perusing his dream, and she was focusing on her studies..

 Friday she went to a house of prayer event with her friend, she felt uncomfortable the first half hour and something was wrong, but she didn't know what was bothering her... her shoulders were tense and everything... but then these two girls prayed over her, saying everything she needed to hear..and they lifted up the stuff that she couldn't put her finger on... She felt the love of her Father in heaven, just saying to her that their is a reason she's here, and he has plan for her, even if she can't see it yet. And the Holy Spirit filled her heart with joy.. and she loved life. The worries that she came in with were no longer there, and she was happy. Then she noticed her shoulders no longer hurt anymore, a weight had literary been lifted off of her shoulders.. She knew God was in the room. 

She thinks about it, and her prayers were answered, she had finally witnessed the power of the Holy Spirit. Thanks God. :)

Now about that boy...

She still thinks about him all the time.. But now when she thinks of him, instead of instantly missing him, she automatically smiles and thinks to herself: Thank You God, for placing him in my life. 

Happy almost three weeks, Mr. Amazing. 

<3 

(Well..by the time you get this it'll be more than 3 weeks..)

11:27PM 1/22/2010

Horoscopes. uh oh. for 2011.

Year 2011 Overview

Get ready to rock it in 2011, Scorpio! You've got so much going for you in nearly every life arena you won't know where to focus first. For starters, you'll have more work opportunities than you'll know what to do with. In fact, with so many alluring offers crossing your desk, the whole picking and choosing fiasco could easily lead to typical Scorpio overkill. Extreme by nature, the idea of having too much to handle sounds like a total joyride until the reality of having zero time for anything (like eating and sleeping) kicks into your stubborn consciousness.
You thrive under intensity, so that aspect of your ridiculously busy life won't be a problem. It's just that Saturn bearing down in your sector of sleep, dreams and retreat will feel like an ongoing thorn in your side should you neglect taking enough time out for yourself to re-balance and shut out the demands of the big bad world.
Balance is never easy for a Scorpio. You're like a moth to a flame when it comes to amping up the drama in your life. By the time your half-birthday arrives in May, you'll be under the extreme influence of six planets lining up in your work sector in the Cardinal sign of new beginnings: Aries. And yes, that could literally mean you'll be working on at least six different projects simultaneously. Just watch that your health doesn't suffer as a result. Double up on the supplements and be sure to get enough rest to see you through this exciting but demanding time.

 
Career/Finance

Biting off more than you can chew is a potential job hazard as a crazy slew of planets convene in your work sector by the second half of 2011. And you thought you knew what busy was -- just wait until you experience May's ambush of Aries planets. The catch is that each and every new opportunity will be impossible to pass up because of the challenge and thrill involved. There's nothing dull or ordinary in the work you'll encounter but with so many new elements involved you could easily be getting in over your head. Aries is a very physical and pioneering force of nature, so expect your work to involve action and initiative.
Your biggest and most productive workflow transpires in the springtime, especially between April and May of 2011. During this whirlwind, allow the opposing presence of Saturn in your retreat sector to remind you to know and respect your limits. You are only human after all despite your voracious appetite for success. But the last thing you need is to hit total burnout or an imposed rest period brought on by your body forcing you to slow down. Pace yourself as you go, listen to your body's signals to regenerate, and you'll be just fine. You'll enjoy your work most and be at your creative, artistic best in April and August when Venus graces your work and career sector respectively. You're busiest time with new work opportunities peaks when Mars enters your work sector in May and October.

Year 2011 Romantic

Love and passion continue to explode for Scorpios in 2011. While 2010 brought you the gift of an extended Venus in Scorpio phase, the planets this June shall bring the awesome benefits of lucky Jupiter: it will be working under the guise of Cupid shooting the love arrow straight through your heart of hearts. When Jupiter enters your partnership sign of Taurus for the last six months of the year, you have the Midas touch when it comes to dating, mating and relating. Your chance of attracting a grounded, loyal and affectionate mate is doubled if not tripled under Jupiter's auspices. And the timing couldn't more perfect considering how fabulous every other aspect of your life is at the moment. The union will be a bonus rather than fulfilling a hole in your life. You're more than ready for a steady and wonderful partnership to see you through life's storms. As independent and resourceful as you are, your longings for deep and lasting intimacy supersede any selfish inclinations.
Neptune, the planet of soulful unions and fairytale-worthy dalliances enters your romance sector this April. Although the initial transit only lasts until August for the first run, you'll at least glean a sneak peak into how the mystical influence of Neptune might affect your romantic and creative pursuits over the next 14 years. Don't be surprised if you're suddenly overwhelmed with a need to make art and love as if your very soul depended on it. Uniting your spiritual and artistic sides of your nature will become as natural and essential to your life force as breathing.

Holiday Cheer

Holiday Cheer

 

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

If you talk to me 

I'll talk to you.

The Grass is Green

the Sky is Blue

if I could

I would be you.

The wind blows 

the Rain Pours 

It's time to do

a bunch of chores. 

The Sun Rises

The Stars Appear

and it's time to sing

some holiday cheer. 

You like me 

I like you

So let's have a good time

and do what we do. 

<3

Kayla Anne

Learn.Feel.Be.

Learn.Feel.Be.

It's those days...

when deep conversations come into play, when you laugh so much your abs get a workout, the days where you don't have to worry about anything, the days where someone messages you and a smile automatically comes to your face, the days when everything just seems to go the right way...

I love:

the exciting feeling when everything goes the way you want it to go. 

the smell of the air during the first rain. 

when I get surprise letters in the mail

when a friend takes the time out to call just to say hi.

when a door is held open for you 

when I find money on the ground

when I eat the perfect meal

when I accomplish tasks

laying on my trampoline and dreaming

driving out in the country with the windows down...

Those are the days and situations I live for.

But what about all the other days...?

The days when you feel like you failed your midterm, when you get in an argument with a friend or family member, the days when you fall off your bike or trip up the stairs, the days when you just feel lost or lonely, the days when you just really need a hug...

I've been thinking about those days a lot lately...

and without those ''bad'' days.. I don't think we'd appreciate the ''good'' days..

But I think the reason good days feel so amazing is becuase.. we persevere through all the tough days even though we feel like giving up. 

This past weekend, I went home.. and surprisingly it wasn't filled with bad days..

If you don't know my past.. 

It was filled with bad days.. and bad family expereiences.. I started to hate living in my house.. 

When i went home last Friday, I expected something bad to happen, that a really big argument would arise and I would never want to speak to them again.. And that I would just never come back, that I would run away forever.
But... it was actually very pleasant..and I enjoyed being at home. I mean at times, I still felt the tension between family members, but overall... I didn't want to leave. I enjoyed my house, friends, and town.. It felt like... finally, after all these years, I learned to love my house and family. It was an indescribable feeling....and I've been feeling it ever since I went home..

And the feeling is incredible..

So incredible... that I'm starting to feel loved...and...ever since then, I feel like I'm allowing myself to be loved. 

It's quite a weird feeling to tell you the truth...

I find it scary when I think too much about it..

And now I find myself ..living for the bad days...

be thankful for all the bad days you've ever had...becuase without them we would not know what a good day is..

 <3

The Sun Will Shine

The sun was shining, she was drinking her lemonade... when all of a sudden... rain started to pour down.. She didn't know where it was coming from, there was no dark cloud in the sky,perplexed and confused she never fully figured out what was going on.

She couldn't put her finger on it, but life just wasn't the same. Living with other girls, being with people 24/7... it's kind of hard to get used to. She realized she's been at this new place for almost six weeks now and she still thinks its a fantasy. Staying up late, going anywhere at any time, the whole independence thing is completely new to her she doesn't know what to do...

She's surrounded by people, yet... she still feels all alone...

She searches and searches for something she thought she brought with her, but it is yet to be found. Though she still puts on a smile as she walks to class, when in reality, her thoughts are crumbled and her head is throbbing with worries and fears. Class is over now, and she quietly walks up the stairs and steps into the place where she spends most of her time...Laying down, listening to music all of that makes her want to search for what she has recently lost...

You see, what she cannot find here, are her relationships that she left at home..The fact that knowing she could go at 10 o clock at night and take a long drive picking up one of her best friends who would just listen..Knowing that she could call some people up and they would want to go to Starbucks or go to Wingstop or Dennys at anytime during the day..The option of being able to play tennis or croquet or any game with her little brother, because he was always willing. And when she really felt overwhelmed or confused, she could go out to her trampoline look up at the stars, and know that everything was going to be alright. She lost all of that .. and started over.

The first few weeks she didn't want anyone to know her past, because it was difficult for her to accept what she had just given up. When she left, it felt like she just quit, and problems continued to be unresolved. Although she was 300 miles away..., she still felt the pain from all the arguments, fights, and tears she had ever cried. A few weeks passed, and she was dying to tell somebody what was going on, but she felt like she couldn't..because she really didn't know what was going on either.. She thought almost everyone had it together at this place... And even if they didn't have it together..they were good at faking it. Except for her.

But, She walked down the hall one night, and found somebody just sitting in the hallway writing her own blog. She sat down and she was reminded how humans don't have it together..and are all messed up in one way or another. She sat in the hallway with her for awhile, just talking and sharing what some people call their story. She found herself not knowing why a lot of things happened in her life the way they did..after she was done sharing..she realized even though it wasn't everything..it was strange for someone to know what went on in her life...But, while telling her story, she came across emotions, memories, regrets, and problems that she threw away a long time ago.. but they came back... And the next day her mind was throbbing with thoughts in which she couldn't process all at once, she didn't know what was wrong, except that she wanted to go home..and be able lay on the trampoline, go for a country drive, play tennis, and hang out at Starbucks and Wingstop.. with the people that she loves the most...

<3