Learn.Feel.Be.

Learn.Feel.Be.

It's those days...

when deep conversations come into play, when you laugh so much your abs get a workout, the days where you don't have to worry about anything, the days where someone messages you and a smile automatically comes to your face, the days when everything just seems to go the right way...

I love:

the exciting feeling when everything goes the way you want it to go. 

the smell of the air during the first rain. 

when I get surprise letters in the mail

when a friend takes the time out to call just to say hi.

when a door is held open for you 

when I find money on the ground

when I eat the perfect meal

when I accomplish tasks

laying on my trampoline and dreaming

driving out in the country with the windows down...

Those are the days and situations I live for.

But what about all the other days...?

The days when you feel like you failed your midterm, when you get in an argument with a friend or family member, the days when you fall off your bike or trip up the stairs, the days when you just feel lost or lonely, the days when you just really need a hug...

I've been thinking about those days a lot lately...

and without those ''bad'' days.. I don't think we'd appreciate the ''good'' days..

But I think the reason good days feel so amazing is becuase.. we persevere through all the tough days even though we feel like giving up. 

This past weekend, I went home.. and surprisingly it wasn't filled with bad days..

If you don't know my past.. 

It was filled with bad days.. and bad family expereiences.. I started to hate living in my house.. 

When i went home last Friday, I expected something bad to happen, that a really big argument would arise and I would never want to speak to them again.. And that I would just never come back, that I would run away forever.
But... it was actually very pleasant..and I enjoyed being at home. I mean at times, I still felt the tension between family members, but overall... I didn't want to leave. I enjoyed my house, friends, and town.. It felt like... finally, after all these years, I learned to love my house and family. It was an indescribable feeling....and I've been feeling it ever since I went home..

And the feeling is incredible..

So incredible... that I'm starting to feel loved...and...ever since then, I feel like I'm allowing myself to be loved. 

It's quite a weird feeling to tell you the truth...

I find it scary when I think too much about it..

And now I find myself ..living for the bad days...

be thankful for all the bad days you've ever had...becuase without them we would not know what a good day is..

 <3

The Sun Will Shine

The sun was shining, she was drinking her lemonade... when all of a sudden... rain started to pour down.. She didn't know where it was coming from, there was no dark cloud in the sky,perplexed and confused she never fully figured out what was going on.

She couldn't put her finger on it, but life just wasn't the same. Living with other girls, being with people 24/7... it's kind of hard to get used to. She realized she's been at this new place for almost six weeks now and she still thinks its a fantasy. Staying up late, going anywhere at any time, the whole independence thing is completely new to her she doesn't know what to do...

She's surrounded by people, yet... she still feels all alone...

She searches and searches for something she thought she brought with her, but it is yet to be found. Though she still puts on a smile as she walks to class, when in reality, her thoughts are crumbled and her head is throbbing with worries and fears. Class is over now, and she quietly walks up the stairs and steps into the place where she spends most of her time...Laying down, listening to music all of that makes her want to search for what she has recently lost...

You see, what she cannot find here, are her relationships that she left at home..The fact that knowing she could go at 10 o clock at night and take a long drive picking up one of her best friends who would just listen..Knowing that she could call some people up and they would want to go to Starbucks or go to Wingstop or Dennys at anytime during the day..The option of being able to play tennis or croquet or any game with her little brother, because he was always willing. And when she really felt overwhelmed or confused, she could go out to her trampoline look up at the stars, and know that everything was going to be alright. She lost all of that .. and started over.

The first few weeks she didn't want anyone to know her past, because it was difficult for her to accept what she had just given up. When she left, it felt like she just quit, and problems continued to be unresolved. Although she was 300 miles away..., she still felt the pain from all the arguments, fights, and tears she had ever cried. A few weeks passed, and she was dying to tell somebody what was going on, but she felt like she couldn't..because she really didn't know what was going on either.. She thought almost everyone had it together at this place... And even if they didn't have it together..they were good at faking it. Except for her.

But, She walked down the hall one night, and found somebody just sitting in the hallway writing her own blog. She sat down and she was reminded how humans don't have it together..and are all messed up in one way or another. She sat in the hallway with her for awhile, just talking and sharing what some people call their story. She found herself not knowing why a lot of things happened in her life the way they did..after she was done sharing..she realized even though it wasn't everything..it was strange for someone to know what went on in her life...But, while telling her story, she came across emotions, memories, regrets, and problems that she threw away a long time ago.. but they came back... And the next day her mind was throbbing with thoughts in which she couldn't process all at once, she didn't know what was wrong, except that she wanted to go home..and be able lay on the trampoline, go for a country drive, play tennis, and hang out at Starbucks and Wingstop.. with the people that she loves the most...

<3