L-O-V-E.SUCKS.R-A-N-T.the toughest job of all.

This whole San Diego thing makes me lose sleep.
All I need is a car. or someone with a car, who is willing to miss SCHOOL and WORK and DRIVE and pay for their FOOD so I can go to San Diego to see my boyfriend, Paul graduate the USMC. I feel like quitting this whole "relationship". It's not even a typical relationship. April is probably the only month I'll see him for a long long time. I still don't know everything about him that I should. I don't feel like I'm getting to know him any better than if I wasn't in a relationship. This is not the typical relationship. and it is definitely not easy. 
I don't have the heart to tell him I can't make it to San Diego, there must be another way.
This is stupid. His parents still don't think we're serious. REALLY? why would i go through this HELL if i wasn't serious about being in a relationship with him. ???.
PARENTS please accept me.
well, i don't blame them. To an outside perspective it does seem weird, "getting together" 1 WEEK before he left.
not TALKING to him not SEEING him. not HANGING OUT with him.not GETTING TO KNOW him.this is driving me crazy.
BUT...


i knew this was going to be hard from the start..
he warned me.
i had people tell me not to.
he warned me.
"Possible long periods without speaking and even longer not seeing each other."
he warned me.
he thought i was the girl that could do this. the girl who was faithful enough and determined to get through this relationship.
he warned me.
i knew this wasn't going to be easy.
&
he warned me.


I tell myself...
to suck it up. I'm the one who agreed to this. Life isn't easy. No relationship is easy.
Look at all the stuff he has to do.
He doesn't quit. and he doesn't give up.
then why should i..?
sigh.....
I just need PAUL to tell me this again..to never quit and never give up.

This "relationship" is not a "relationship"..
It's the journey of becoming a Marine Girlfriend..and the best one i can be.
He needs someone to support him, to love him, to motivate him, to laugh with him, someone to keep him sane, to continue to make him a better person and keep him focused on the good stuff, someone to kiss, someone to hug, someone to stare at in the eyes, someone to miss him, someone to fight for.
I have many jobs.... I am a friend, a student, a daughter, a Den employee, and the toughest job of all....

i am a Marine Girlfriend.

If you think being a Marine is hard, try being a Marine girlfriend.

Untitled.

Blue= shyness/slowness

Red= speak in normal voice

 Italics = slow down

Yellow- word goes up scale. “try” would be tra-hi-ye

Purple: Fast.singlikethishimynameiskayla.

Green: energetic like “I love the way he laughs. [rest] I love the way he___ [rest]

Untitled

It was Christmas Eve, and he had two weeks until he left to become a Marine.. He told me that he liked me, Actually he said: Kayla I have a major crush on you, I know it’s obvious but I do, I like you. So we spent the next two weeks together, just talking and sharing our goals with each other.  and at the end of those two weeks..after hanging out for seven hours.. he said I’m not romantic at all, but I think we make a good team, so what do you say should we give this a try? I said it’s going to be hard sometimes, but I can’t imagine my life without you..

So we were official

He is my boyfriend and I am his girlfriend. But I still call him my best friend because he is.

 And I love the way he laughs (rest) and I love the way he cries (rest). Even though I’ve ne-ver seen him cry before..

And I love the way we stare at each other and I look into his eyes. (rest)

The tears shed, the goodbyes, the first kiss in one night..

Baby I miss you, I miss you. Baby I like you, I like you.

I love the way you smile, I love the way you laugh, I love the way you sing, and I love the way you dance.

And you’re so de-termined, it makes me try.

I love the way you ma-ke me feel even though we said goodbye.

Baby I miss you, I miss you. Baby I like you, I like you.

I wrote this song for you, for you can see how much I think about you.

Boy you’re amazing, yes, yes you are.

And I cannot wait until April eighth when I can finally see your face and ..hug you tight.

Baby I miss you, I miss you. Baby I like you, I like you.

And I hope you’re doing good in the Marines, remember to stay true to your faith.. and to mee.

Baby I miss you, I miss you. Baby I like you, I like you.

Well I’ll say goodbye for right now, I can’t wait to see you graduate on.. April eighth…

A Thank You.

She received an invitation to go to Africa this summer, but she was confused and lost.. and didn't know what to think of this opportunity....That was in December, and then a few days later she was no longer lost, she admitted to herself that she was content with life, and she stopped doubting the lie that was in her mind saying she didn't know her Father in heaven. 

Then a situation came to her a few days later.. The next three weeks were a roller coaster ride of emotions and God was in each and every one of them...After praying, thinking, discussing,and more praying.. She finally made a decision..

The decision to pursue a relationship with her best guy friend, who happened to be leaving to recruit training in two weeks..
Some called her crazy, some couldn't believe it, but others [[her friends]] supported her and helped her through everything... 

She and the boy talked for hours.. all they wanted to do was be with each other.. but they reminded each other that this relationship was only going to work if they relied on God to keep them together and connected, despite the distance and a different form of communication. She had the most insane winter break of her life, as everything started to come together..  But it had come to an end..And Wednesday night was the last time she saw him in person, until they meet up again in April.              

She traveled back to her second home which was a long long ride..six hours of thinking took place and she didn't know how she was going to handle this... 

The time came when he actually left, and then there were no more chats no more phone calls, all they had power of faith.. The faith that God would take care of them, and their relationship..

The girl had a terrible first week of school, and she couldn't even talk to the boy about it..

She felt like she didn't belong, like there was no purpose for her being here, at the school she was at.   All she wanted to do was run away and hide in her room...it wasn't fair that she couldn't talk to the boy who makes her smile and there was no boy to ask her how her day was.. But what she didn't know was the power of the Holy Spirit lifted her up and told her everything was going to be okay.. A few days later, she got used to the fact that she couldn't talk to him, and she was content with that, because he was perusing his dream, and she was focusing on her studies..

 Friday she went to a house of prayer event with her friend, she felt uncomfortable the first half hour and something was wrong, but she didn't know what was bothering her... her shoulders were tense and everything... but then these two girls prayed over her, saying everything she needed to hear..and they lifted up the stuff that she couldn't put her finger on... She felt the love of her Father in heaven, just saying to her that their is a reason she's here, and he has plan for her, even if she can't see it yet. And the Holy Spirit filled her heart with joy.. and she loved life. The worries that she came in with were no longer there, and she was happy. Then she noticed her shoulders no longer hurt anymore, a weight had literary been lifted off of her shoulders.. She knew God was in the room. 

She thinks about it, and her prayers were answered, she had finally witnessed the power of the Holy Spirit. Thanks God. :)

Now about that boy...

She still thinks about him all the time.. But now when she thinks of him, instead of instantly missing him, she automatically smiles and thinks to herself: Thank You God, for placing him in my life. 

Happy almost three weeks, Mr. Amazing. 

<3 

(Well..by the time you get this it'll be more than 3 weeks..)

11:27PM 1/22/2010